I know why I binged…

August 11, 2011

Well, I binged last night. On food. Random, unsatisfying food. It’s been a long time since my  last binge and it still bothers me. Here’s what happened:

I came home from work- starving. My lunch and breakfast just wern’t enough. I grabbed a small piece of left over pizza and a handful of dried kiwi, with the intention of eating this snack and then going for my run. 10 minutes after I ate I was still starving. I ate three more pieces of pizza which left me completely unsatisfied and still “hungry”.  My mom suggested I get some protein so I cut up some roasted chicken breast and ate that. Nope, that didn’t do it. Two artichokes, two oreos, and a handful of chocolate chips later, I was stuff. Stuffed, embarrassed, and pissed off.  Too full to run and to ashamed to get off the couch.

So instead of accepting it for what it was, I lost myself in cooking shows, food competition shows, specifically Man vs. Food and Roccos Dinner Party. And then I started an argument with my love. *sigh*

There are some good things that came out of this:

1) I know why I binged

2) I cried harder than I have in a really long time = release

Lets start with the first one: I’m really hormonal, and a few days away from my period. Which always makes me extra hungry, sort of creating a bottomless pit in my stomach. Combined with the fact that I didn’t get enough sleep the night before, some stress happening in my life, and the lack of protein throughout my day. None of the food I had yesterday before the binge satisfied me.  I’ve wanted a Chipotle burrito bowl for 3 days, and yesterdays craving was so intense. Lentil soup…burrito bowl. Yeah, there’s no comparison. I didn’t listen to my body all day, which was screaming for more protein. Instead I took some easy ways out and tried to make it work. But it didn’t work, because I binged.

Second: the crying was a combination of binging and the argument. Deeply rooted feelings came out that I couldn’t even explain to him. I just knew I needed to cry. And so I did, for a long time.

I woke up this morning feeling almost hungover, bloated, emotional, and very tired. But I took the time to listen to my body. And my body wanted protein. So I made an egg scramble with cherry tomatoes and Parmesan. Its been two hours and I’m still satisfied. I still want a Chipotle burrito bowl though. I figure I’ve waited long enough. 🙂

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