Another Real Update…

May 6, 2013

Happy Monday everyone ūüôā Last post was about my fail to read directions properly and a pretty over-powering home-made mayo. I have not yet re-made this but will be tonight for sure. I’ll have that update tomorrow. Today’s post is a vulnerable one. Another honest confession and real life happenings. I’m kinda tired of writing about these, because ultimately they feel like failures. Logically I know they’re not, but my insecurities chime in and tell me I’m an epic failure.

I made a decision a few weeks ago to do the Whole30¬†“Challenge” with the intent that I wouldn’t just be doing this for 30 days, but take this on as a lifestyle. And I meant it. The Whole30¬†plan makes me feel good physically and mentally. And its sustainable. I’ve been following it for roughly 3 weeks with no major slips, no binge eating, and no desire to go back to the way I was eating before. But this weekend¬† I gave in a little too much.

I could feel myself pmsing¬†last Thursday and Friday and knew that my hunger may get out of control. I was craving comforting foods (ie carbs) but didn’t want to ruin my progress. So I made a conscious decision to stay within the paleo¬†relgm and try Paleo Waffles from PaleoOMG. Sasha has made them before for me and the ingredients (with a little modification) kept me on the Whole30. I had one for breakfast Friday and I felt good. Friday night brought some outside stress, and combined with my pms, all I wanted to do was eat. Fries specifically. So I did. I felt like I “deserved” them after what went on that night. (Thinking back now it sounds so stupid. But in the moment I believed it).

After the fry eating, I felt ok… not great, but not horrible. I still ate my protein and vegetables so I thought maybe it balanced it out. Saturday I stayed on track with breakfast and lunch, but that night I took the reigns off. I had a margarita (as clean as I could get), chips and salsa, and a salad. The salad had some sour cream that I chose not to tell the waitress¬†to hold, and chose not to take off my plate. I just ate it. Along with 15 or so chips and this margarita. After all that flour, wheat, dairy, alcohol, and sugar I wanted more. And I wanted it in the form of my absolute nemesis. Safeway Cake. And so I got some, and although I didn’t eat the whole piece like I normally do, I ate enough to make me feel mentally and physically sick.

And that was enough crap to put my body back were it was before I started this. My hunger signals¬†are way off. My stomach isn’t telling my brain that I’m actually full. All the things that I felt like I had no control over before are back. And its scary. So scary to see how quickly my body reverted back to the way it was. My hope is that it will detox just as quickly and get me back on track. But I have to remain aware so that I can make conscious decisions.

So today I’m back on track, sticking¬†to my whole30¬†approved foods, drinking lots of water, and getting in some much-needed exercise. But I feel bloated today, lethargic, and disappointed. Tomorrow is a new day though, and so the journey continues…

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